Silliness is a right, not a privilege.

January 4th - At 9pm, in the Picolo Room at the Whitehouse, the Silly Persons Support Alliance will host a forum to discuss the proposed merger between the False Gods Retirement Benefit Fund, and the Graven Images Benevolent Society.  Cardinal Fang, formerly of the Spanish Inquisition and currently bass player in Ted Nugent's band, will also give a talk on the problems of waterboarding during a drought.  Silly people attending this function should wear clothes.

January 7th - 8pm until late, in the Green Room at the Fux Spews Chunder, the news circus you can thrust, the 19th Annual Pissup of the Tap Dancers For Jesus.  Bring your own bucket.

January 12th - This day is reserved for time travellers who come back from the future to see for themselves that Neocons actually did exist, and are not just some legend used to frighten children.

January 17th - International Search Day, where those out there who have lost the plot, are given 24 hours to find it again.  Those who fail are doomed to a life of politics.

February 1st - Order 66 Celebration Day.  At barbecues and picnics around the Known Universe, we celebrate the issuance of the beloved order that led to the elimination of those sickening, do-gooding, Jedi Knights.  The burning of the Jedi Council in effigy is encouraged.

February 5th - Commemerating the day the Black Oily Entity offed Lieutennant Tasha Yar from Star Trek NG.  Billions of pilgrims will queue up to piss on her grave.

February 11th - Holy Pasta Day, where the multitudes gather and pig out on spaghetti and lasagne, to show our utter contempt for the FSM, the False God recognised by all the other False Gods as a definite False God.  And that ain't no lie.

February 27th - Annual Invasion Day.  This year, it's back to Grenada.  We need to have a victory for a change, and dear old Grenada is about the right size.

March 14th - Wilderness Day, celebrates the day, ten thousand years ago, when Lord Yackerboom walked across the wilderness.  Every time since then, he has used a Yamaha trail bike.

March 29th - Endangered Species Day.  On this day, our believers are allowed to go out and shoot a nominated endangered life form.  This year, it's Honest Lawyers, so you'd better be quick.

April 8th - Cardinal Fang's Birthday Party, held at Ground Almost But Not Quite Zero.  Bring your own comfy chair.  If you are lucky, Cardinal Biggles will give you a poke.

April 30th - Ego Free Day.  We celebrate the only day in the year where there are no actor or singer award events.  Apparently, they survive the day sitting at home admiring themselves in the mirror and holding their own hand lovingly.

May 13th - Annual Press Conference Day.  A day when we get together and pay homage to some of the greatest bullshit ever spoken  We also used to hold an Independent Journalist's Ball on this day, but we stopped doing so when the species became extinct.

May 18th - Reversal Day - On this day, we assist the Government Of The Falkland Islands in taking over Argentina, as that country is neo-colonial, and is populated with colonists and settlers, who took over from the original inhabitants and, in any event, is sooo close to the Falklands.  We will call the new place Malvinasmyarse, and give it back to the pre-colonial inhabitants.

July 4th - Yank Your Doodle Day - We celebrate the birth of The Place that gave us neocons, torture that is not torture only quaint, and Oprahouse Windbag.  Bring your own death lists.

july 31st - Coat Tails Day, a day we celebrate countries who have made an art form of hitching a ride on the coat tails of another country.  This years special guests are the United Kingdom and Australia.

August 15th - Two State Solution Day - We celebrate the final two state solution, with the formation of the States of Israel and Even More Israel, with the western border set against Thailand.  It is recommended that Thais do not start reading any long novels!

August 30th - Lord Yackerboom's Birthday.  On a date agreed to by his mother, Saint Hanna the Horizontal, and all of his 137 possible fathers, we celebrate the arrival of the Multi Pronged Prophet into the world, and remember how things were before he started really stuffing things up.

September 17th - Lo Day.  On this day we celebrate the invention of the word 'Lo', without which the Bible could not have been written.

September 29th - Regime Change Day.  On this day, we change every regime that we can get our hands on.  As we are running out of compliant sock puppets, this may be the last time this event is held.

October 3rd - Reconcilliation Day.  Once again we meet and pray for reconciliation between Moslems, Jews, and Hindus, and the humble but misunderstood pork chop.  Once again, sponsored by the Pork Producers Federation.

October 19th - Sky Pilot's Day.  On this day, we pay homage to all those clerics, of all religions, who throw away their principles and religious beliefs, to cop an officer's job in the various armed forces of the world.  How high can you fly?

November 6th - Tony Blair Day.  Silly persons who wish to climb to the top of the greasy pole whilst not actually doing anything not endorsed by Holy Washington, could do no worse than praying to 'Who's A Pretty Boy, Then' himself, and, if you bray, err, pray, long enough, he may give you a job when he becomes Pope.

November 22th - Rapture Day.  On this day, we get to shoot a lot of right wing born-againers.  When the police arrive, tell them that the victims actually left early for the Rapture, in order to get a good parking spot.  Extra bonuses available if you get a televangelist.

December 25th - Santa Claus Day.  We give thanks to the old fat guy in red velvet, who has turned millions of children to a cargo cult mentality, preparing them for membership of our consumer society.

© Brian Brett 2011